Monday Mindset
Choose Connection Over Isolation
Happy Monday to you!
The sun is out, the birds are singing, and I am tired, but I’m happy to be here. Happy to have another day to breathe deeply, move a little more intentionally, and connect with nature, others, and myself.
Connection thrives in presence.
I’m just returning from a weekend retreat with about twenty other women. I’m feeling full of the goodness that choosing to be vulnerable and meeting each other with presence, compassion, and curiosity brings.
Which leads perfectly into this week’s focus:
Choosing Connection Over Isolation
“In nature we never see anything isolated, but everything in connection with something else which is before it, beside it, under it and over it.”
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We’re not meant to struggle under the burdens of life alone. While we may have learned to withdraw to survive, we will never thrive in isolation.
We find support for each other while maintaining our autonomy through choosing to show up in connection with others as we are, with all we are. Not every space is a safe space to do this—especially when our needs are tender and raw. However, we can practice this by reaching out, or opening our hearts and experiences to those who have been considerate, trustworthy, and consistent. Not perfect people, but present and supporting.
We may think we are alone, but we’re not. We’re interconnected with our communities, families, nature, and larger systems. We are a part of the larger order of things, whether we realize it or not. Our choices affect each other. When we minimize our voice or experience in pain, we also minimize the potential for healing.
There is wisdom in being discerning with who gets the most vulnerable parts of you, and there is also beauty in the salve of being witnessed, embraced, and supported as you are—not how you think others want you.
As someone who very much learned to isolate in my pain as a child (if you have ever identified with an avoidant attachment style, you may have too), it is a powerful practice of presence to choose not to retreat now. In safe spaces with trustworthy people, choosing a new way is possible.
How do we practice this?
It could look like:
Speaking up when someone says something that hurts you instead of remaining silent. You can remove your assumptions of the person by being clear about what they communicated to you. You may be surprised by their response, or perhaps they double down. But voicing your perspective and experience allows you to remove assumptions to create a path toward more clear communication.
Choosing to stand up for others when they are in situations that are demeaning, abusive, or unfair. We live in a society where we’re told to mind our business, but this can cause more suffering to those who are already experiencing pain. Silence can feel violent to those who need our support.
Inviting a friend or two to do something that feels like less of an energy drain when you feel overwhelmed and want to cancel the plans you have. Instead of backing out on dinner with a friend, what if you did takeout and watched a movie at your place, instead? Replacing your plans with a softer activity allows you to still have connection when you have less energy. Be honest, and give them the invitation to support you in this way if they so choose.
These are a few examples of how we can choose connection over isolation. There are more ways to practice this, but the thing to keep in mind as we practice presence through choosing connection over isolation is that we don’t need to hide ourselves when we feel less than the happiest versions of ourselves. There is a time and a place to be alone. But if we find ourselves only being alone when we are in pain, perhaps it’s time to choose a new path—a new practice.
It couldn’t hurt to try, right?
When negative feelings come up for you, what do you do with them?
Do you keep them to yourself? Do you rationalize them? Do you take it out on others?
When you feel the inner urge to retreat and isolate, look a little deeper. What’s going on?
Take a small step of connection to someone in your pain/frustration/anger/overwhelm instead of disconnecting from the world. Try texting a friend if calling feels like too much. Or invite someone to watch a movie with you. Or read in a library around others instead of at home.
It can feel clunky when practicing a new way of relating to others, especially in ways it feels vulnerable. Be incredibly gracious with yourself as you bravely take these steps. You won’t do it perfectly, and it probably won’t feel natural, but connection is worth it. I’m right there with you in the journey, taking steps of my own.