Monthly Edition: Belonging
The power of community and our place in it
“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you're enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.”
—Brene Brown
Belonging is fundamental to our humanity. We want to be known and supported, and to offer that to others. In our youth, we may spend time shape-shifting to belong. We might be loud in some areas and quiet in others. As we grow and mature, we become more aware of what is important to us. Our ideas and beliefs change over time, and it is natural that they do. The more we learn, the more our minds expand. The more we experience, the more we understand what we couldn’t know before walking through different seasons of life.
If you find yourself in a season of needing greater connection with others, but not knowing how or where to find it, you are in good company. The good news is that it isn’t inaccessible. It begins with knowing yourself well. What do you enjoy doing? What values are important to you? What interests do you want to share with others? These are a few questions you can ask yourself to look for points of connection that can be made in community.
It takes courage to show up as you are and to make an effort to connect in authenticity. It takes patience to give new connections time to blossom. An inviting welcome may happen quickly, but trust is built over time. Support needs time to grow. Practicing acceptance of others by focusing on similarities that connect you, rather than letting differences divide you, can be powerful in becoming part of a community.
Still, you don’t have to sacrifice the most important parts of you to belong in spaces that won’t accept the whole of you. It is important that you feel seen, known, and supported as much as you offer the same to others. No one is perfect, and this is true of community spaces. What matters in belonging is to know you are welcomed, known, supported, included, and connected (the five pillars of belonging).
When we are comfortable to be ourselves completely, intimacy blossoms. We don’t have to hide the messier sides of us in order to impress. The whole of us belongs in this world, and when we find communities that celebrate and support us, we are lucky, indeed. The more comfortable we become in our own skin, the more fully we can show up in the spaces we inhabit. We don’t owe anyone the tender parts of us, but in places of belonging, we can choose to be vulnerable.
Belonging is powerful—it offers us stability and support. We are not in this life alone! Community care is powerful, and it is necessary. Even one relationship or space we can show up as our whole selves can drastically improve the quality of our lives.
We crave connection because we were made for it. The more we feel at home in places that include others, the more secure we become with our place in the world. We are as much a part of the fabric of this world as any other, and the true magic is found in embracing our place in the connective tissue of humanity.
Belonging is like a seat at a welcoming table, full of good food, conversation, and laughter. It brings us a sense of safety and support. It combats loneliness. It helps us bond to others. There is so much disconnection in this day and age, but the opportunity for connection is great—perhaps greater than it’s ever been.
It used to be that the community we were born into was all we had. Possibilities were smaller, and our ability to connect with people in different places was limited. But now the world feels smaller, and our means of connection is multiplied through technology, ease of travel, and opportunities to meet new people in every stage of our lives. It’s a beautiful thing to explore how we can either create or find community around what’s important to us at this moment in our lives.
It is possible to foster belonging in community while staying connected to self, rather than shutting ourselves down so others will accept us. There’s absolutely no reason to hide or minimize what is important to us. We can prioritize finding new places of belonging that support who we are now, and who we are becoming. In fact, it’s important that we do!
Recognizing that there are opportunities for connection around shared interests, values, and the things that make us tick is an invitation to do something about it. It doesn’t mean leaving behind supportive community we already have. As we grow, our need for new kinds of connections becomes apparent, and when this happens, we can look for ways to engage those needs.
In the coming weeks, we will explore how being yourself, being accepted, recognizing that you are part of a larger whole, and sharing values, interests, or goals can bring a greater sense of belonging.
There is so much beauty to be found in community. Where there is inclusion, acceptance, shared goals, and respect of identity, there is a place for you to blossom into a more true and connected version of yourself.
Where do you feel a sense of belonging?
Is there a deeper need for community care in a specific area of your life?
Consider the places and people that make you feel welcomed, and bring more intention to connecting with them over the coming days and weeks.
You are welcome, accepted, and part of something larger than yourself in this very space. May you know that you belong here!
So grateful you are a part of my community ❤️