Monthly Edition: Compassion
The power of love
“What is happening in your innermost self is worthy of your entire love; somehow you must find a way to work at it.”
—Rainer Maria Rilke
Compassion is a powerful force. It connects us when our differences would put us at odds. It offers grace, comfort, and acceptance. It is not something we should overlook when it comes to our connection to self. It’s important that we learn to love ourselves in every phase we go through, in every stage of our lives.
How we treat ourselves when we’re disappointed, weak, or in pain matters. When we’re feeling less than optimal—our expectations of who we wanted to be or how we wanted to show up left in the dust—the way we approach ourselves makes a difference.
Will we turn toward ourselves with softness? We can show ourselves compassion by offering forgiveness, acceptance, and love. Is it easy or natural? Probably not. Is it worth it? Every single time.
Patience and kindness link hands with compassion. It won’t always feel natural or good in the moment, but we can choose to be patient and kind in our approach. Kristin Neff puts it this way, “self-compassion is a practice of goodwill, not good feelings” (emphasis mine). Offering compassion when we feel discomfort, pain, or disappointment can help us accept the undesirable feeling in the moment in order to move through it.
Compassion is nurturing. It says, I see you, I accept you, I’ll hold you, while drawing you near and offering comfort in your pain. It doesn’t turn away, ignore, or punish. It transforms and strengthens connection, while indifference or judgment pushes us further from ourselves.
We can be disappointed and still choose compassion. We can have bad days and still choose it. We don’t have to punish ourselves any further. We don’t need to ignore the pulls of pain, longing, or sorrow. We can attend to them with curiosity and the foundation of self-trust we have built (and are actively building).
We are often our harshest critics, but we can learn to become our strongest champions. The wisest and most dependable people in our lives have earned our trust by how they show up for us. When they miss the mark, they apologize and seek to do better. They aren’t perfect, but they are there doing their very best. That is all we can do with, and for, ourselves.
It is possible to grow in self-compassion, and it starts here. It starts with refusing to neglect ourselves in favor of pleasing others. It’s not either/or. The more we turn with loving-kindness toward ourselves, the better we can offer it to others—out of a full cup rather than an empty one.
We don’t need more disconnect in our lives. Refusing to offer ourselves compassion is a form of neglect. What we need—right now and always—is presence. We need kindness. We need grace. We need love.
This version of you? It’s deserving of nurture and care. You don’t have to earn the right to be loved. Love is as necessary to your wellbeing as the food you eat, the air you breathe, or the sun on your skin. You are worthy of love, as you are in this moment, without changing a thing.
In the coming weeks, we will explore how compassion deepens our inner connection by making space for loving acceptance, offering grace for our weak spots, and offering comfort.
The more compassionate we are with ourselves, the more attuned we stay to the things that arise in our hearts, minds, and bodies. Let’s become our biggest advocates by learning to turn toward ourselves with love for every version of us—not just our best, but at our worst, too. Love does not ask us to be perfect. It meets us as we are.
How often do you turn toward yourself with kindness?
Who are the people you feel most forgiving toward?
Consider how you can approach yourself with the kind of compassion you show to others (or the kind you most want to receive).