Monday Mindset
WHAT TO DO WHEN: Navigating Resistance
Happy Monday, friend.
I hope you had a lovely weekend. I spent copious amounts of time outside, and my soul is singing for all the sun, sweat, and lake water involved. What did you do that brought you joy, a little bit of peace, or satisfaction?
It’s June, and that means it’s summer slowdown time (okay, maybe that comes a little later for some of us). I’m committed to a soft summer of enjoyment, exploration, and play. What are you looking forward to as the season shifts?
If you missed it, the monthly theme was sent out last night. You can catch it here. We’re talking about common sticky situations — internal conflict, difficult emotions, and what to do when needs go unmet. I hope you’ll join me this month as we equip ourselves to meet uncomfortable situations and sensations (limited, of course — but we could continue this in a later series), and move with intention and grace to get through them.
To kick us off this first Monday of the month, let’s look at what we can do when:
Navigating Resistance
"Resistance is a powerful motivator precisely because it enables us to fulfill our longing to achieve our goals while letting us boldly recognize and name the obstacles to those achievements."
~ Derrick Bell
Inner Resistance is a common experience. It keeps us from engaging and moving ahead in ways we want to grow. Other times, it compels us to isolate instead of connecting to others. Inner resistance can manifest as procrastination, self-doubt, anxiety, perfectionism, self-sabotage, or irrational fear of what may or may not happen, which may be connected to impostor syndrome.
Sometimes, it’s more subtle than this. I learned a new word a couple of days ago that sums up how I’ve felt in my own inner resistance. It’s called “velleity.”
Velleity, as described by writer Karen Russel, is “when the desire to write [or whatever your desire is] feels like a low-grade headache, or gray skies without rain…it is ‘volition in the weakest form.’ A wish or inclination not strong enough to lead to action.”
Volition in the weakest form — having the desire to do something, but the desire isn’t strong enough to lead to action. Damn. This is the best way I can think of to describe my experience when it comes to dating over the last year (I want to date, but the apps are a lot of work with little return). When it comes to strengthening my body, I have a sense of velleity, as well. I love movement, but I have not been able to drag my ass to the gym once this year.
So, procrastination? Yes. I can check that one off. Self-doubt? Yep, that’s there, too. And yet, I’ve also experienced little recent moments that moved me out of my comfort zone just enough to click the gears into place and create a little momentum. Those little yeses, the small steps of movement, feel like big victories when it’s only been stagnation for the last several months.
Okay, so we’ve identified one or two areas of resistance. Now, what? This series is about WHAT TO DO WHEN, after all.
Well, my friend, there are a few things we can do to engage that resistance so it doesn’t remain a low-grade headache or buzz in the background that we cannot shake.
Let’s go through a four-step guide (by no means is this the only way to do this, but it has been a helpful frame for me that I actively use when I spot inner resistance).
Recognize
First off, recognize what’s behind the resistance. What is it you want that isn’t happening? What is the desire behind it? Is there something deeper under the surface than the initial desire?
(For instance, why do I want to date? Well, when I take a closer look, there are a few reasons: connection, fun (it’s summer, after all), and the possibility of love—that felt vulnerable to write because it’s truuuueeee.)
Relate
Now that you’ve given recognition to what it is you want, look at the resistance itself. What keeps you from moving ahead?
Instead of saying, “I don’t know why I can’t just get myself to the gym,” perhaps look at what would help move the needle just a little bit. What if you joined a challenge for the next few weeks? What if you got a friend to go with you?
Relating to the resistance is less about heaping guilt or shame on ourselves and more an opportunity to see where the need or desire lacks support.
Release
In order to move through resistance, you have to free yourself from the what-ifs of yesterday. You can’t go back and make yourself do anything differently. You can only begin where you are and move from there.
When we’ve recognized and related to the resistance within us, we must also release ourselves from how things should have been (at least in our minds), and instead embrace how they can be right now. This is the moment to choose differently with the grace to be kind to ourselves.
Repeat
We will experience resistance over and over again in various ways, but that doesn’t mean we’re doing anything wrong.
Instead of seeking to fix everything now, pick one area that you want to intentionally move through. When you’ve done that, you might just find the tension in other areas releases as you make progress, bringing you back to life a little more.
This process can be repeated as many times as necessary to bring conscious action to the areas where we don’t want to sit around and wish for change any longer.
Timing matters, and so does capacity, so let’s not overwhelm ourselves by analyzing all the ways resistance might show up in our lives. These things come up when they’re ready to, and then we give them our attention. Navigating resistance in this way is less about fixing ourselves and more about giving guidance when we want to move through it to create momentum.
Movement begins with small, intentional steps. Every act of compassionate curiosity leads to greater connection within our systems, and this kind of presence and connection brings transformation. Let’s meet ourselves with grace in the process.
How has inner resistance kept you from creating change?
Is there one area you’re ready to move through the resistance?
Little bits of outer accountability can help us move through the inner resistance we battle.
Consider how you can incorporate a support or structure (or link into one already available) to help take active steps toward what it is you want.
For instance, there are writing challenges and communities for those who want to put pen to paper, there are community classes for almost anything you want to learn to do, and there are people who will gladly join you to help you step outside of the realm of wanting to take action to doing it.
What are your thoughts on this subject? I’d love to hear from you!
As always, be gracious, kind, and patient with your beautiful self.
~Sara
Sara, I feel exactly the same, Velleity, is a new word to me also. I used to swim almost every day , then in October something happened that shocked me in my life and I haven’t been back since. Everyday I say, I’m going for a swim today and I never do!! Same with the gym , something inside has shifted and I feel exhausted! But I feel so weak and need to exercise again. I have arranged to go to gym next Saturday with a friend, so let’s hope it’s the start of a new change. And I don’t blame you not wanting to go on dating apps , who would 😉😆