Monday Mindset
Accepted
Happy Monday, friends.
I hope you are finding moments of connection, respite, and care in the busyness of this season.
As we continue with this month’s theme of Belonging, let’s take a few minutes to drop in to the importance and power of being:
Accepted
“No amount of self-improvement can make up for any lack of self-acceptance.”
— Robert Holden
This isn’t the first time we’re talking about acceptance in this space. Self-acceptance is a key part of growing trust, being curious, cultivating compassion, and finding a sense of belonging. It is as important a part of connecting with others as it is with ourselves.
When it comes to belonging, being witnessed and accepted for who we are—the whole shebang, warts and all—is key. It’s not that we will never grow or change. Belonging in community isn’t about being the same person we were when we first showed up. There has to be space for our development.
It also can’t be so focused on being the best version of ourselves that we feel we have to hide or limit our authenticity in tough seasons. We’ll never be perfect, and neither will life. We need the safety of belonging to people and spaces that allow for the hard along with the good.
In order to show up this way in community, we have to be able to acknowledge, accept, and embrace these parts of us for ourselves.
Consider this: acceptance is the opposite of rejection. Rejection is painful. No one wants to be excluded from something they want to participate in. Let this be your reminder that rejection of your own weaknesses can be as damaging as others rejecting you.
Rejection drives disconnection, rumination, and the feeling of being less-than. Rejection of what we perceive as negative in ourselves can lead to dissatisfaction with our lives. The more we learn to embrace our weaknesses, along with our strengths, the more sure-footed we become in how we show up in the world. When we learn to relate to the reality rather than the fantasy, we can move ahead on the stepping-stone of self-acceptance.
We don’t have to wait until we’ve got this down to find spaces of belonging. In fact, it’s in community that some of these things come to the surface.
As Sara Hallberg says,
“True community is…a connection to self first and allowing a deeper part of us to [be] honored and witnessed in the presence of others on the same path….
when you have someone reflect back your worth and value for long enough – you’ll eventually start to believe it, and feel it, for yourself.”
Even when you struggle to accept your insecurities and weaknesses, healthy community can act as a mirror to remind you of the bigger picture. It can reveal the things you don’t readily see from your perspective (just like without a reflective surface, you do not see what you look like). You are living the experience of what it is to be you, but having access to the mirrors around you can teach you to appreciate and embrace yourself even more.
You are worthy of being seen, known, and accepted. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of taking up space as you are in this moment without shrinking, hiding, or glossing over the rougher edges.
There is an invitation in community to be smoothed out, held together, and strengthened. Self-acceptance is a journey, and the company you keep along the way can help you in your endeavor. There are places and people, even now, ready to make room for you.
How have you been able to understand yourself better through community?
When you start to nitpick negative things about yourself, change the script. Instead of letting shame cover the narrative, choose to accept what you find.
For example, if you say something in conversation that later makes you cringe, don’t keep going over it in your mind. Say to yourself, “I am human, and I don’t have to show up perfectly.” Or, “I did the best I could at the time.” Or even, “everyone says dumb things, and I am not excluded from everyone.”
Offer yourself grace, embracing the whole of you because every part of you is worthy of love and acceptance.
[When dealing with rumination, remember: you cannot change the past, but you can change the way you relate to it.]
Belonging is core to who we are as human, and you don’t have to do a thing to earn your place. I’m so glad you are here! As always, I’m an email, message, or comment away.
Love this Sara, it’s so gentle and kind, just what I needed this morning to hear. Thank you