Monday Mindset
Being Yourself
We’re officially in the holiday season, and that means lots of commitments, big feelings, and sometimes pressure amidst the joy and tradition of it all.
It is my hope that this newsletter will continue to be a place of respite for you—a point of connection in a busy season.
In case you missed it, this month’s focus is on Belonging (head over to read it if you haven’t already had the chance!)
Go ahead, grab a second cup of coffee or tea, and settle in for a few minutes with me as we explore the first of four aspects of belonging:
Being Yourself
"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."
— Maya Angelou
Belonging happens when you feel seen, accepted, and connected. Mutual support is a key element of this. A deeper sense of connection happens as you show up in authenticity, and accept others in theirs. Belonging is a human need, but you don’t have to sacrifice your relationship to self to find it.
The freedom to show up in places as you are without trying to hide, minimize, or pretend is empowering. The idea of being part of a group only to conform to a narrow and homogenized ideal is a limiting and controlling way of being in community. This is not what you were meant for.
This isn’t to say you owe more than you’re willing to share in any given moment. The key is that you shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone that you’re not in order to belong to a group.
An important part of growing stronger in your identity is to live in the truth of it. Don’t apologize for liking what you like or for how loud your laugh may be. It’s not always possible (or even a good idea) to share everything that’s on your mind at all times. That’s just a lack of boundaries. The point is that you not waver in who you are—the core of you belongs to you.
You can know the people and places that welcome you. How? Every time they catch a glimpse of your quirky or strong-willed self, they accept it rather than reject you. If you pay attention, you will be able to sense safety in your interactions with the people who create space for you, rather than force you to fit into their comfort zones.
How many people know the real you? This is not an indictment if you are struggling to answer. It is an exercise in how seen you feel in your relationships. It’s never too late to show up in the fullness of who you are, even in relationships that aren’t used to that version of you.
If you want to have good connection with others, you’re going to have to put yourself out there. But the good news is, you get to choose how! There’s so much opportunity to find common ground.
In order to be accepted, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, and you get to choose where and with whom you do this. It’s not all or nothing, either. You don’t have to “trauma dump” in order to feel seen. You don’t have to share an intimate part of yourself with someone in order to build trust. You can show your sense of humor, share the topics you think about, or the books that have impacted you recently. Share what you like, or what’s important to you, and see where connections are made.
As you go about your week, take note of the things that pique your interest.
What are you drawn to?
What do you find yourself thinking about often?
Perhaps one of those could be a conversation starter or something to pursue in community. The more true you are in showing up as you currently are, the more easily you will find those who connect and embrace this version of you.
Pay attention to the connections that make you feel seen, accepted, and supported. These are people and places to practice showing up as your truest self.
If you have a hard time knowing what this feels like, notice where you feel more at ease. Less pressure to perform or conform. Like a deep sigh of relief, these are the people who bring calm to your nervous system whenever you are around them.
Live out loud on purpose. You are amazing; might as well share some of your magic with others and see who responds in kind.