Monday Mindset
Compassion cultivates connection
It’s Thanksgiving week in the US. For many of us, that means time off with family. This is often a mixed bag, as our families can bring out sides of us no one else sees. Whatever you are doing this week, whoever you are around, remember to create space for yourself—a walk outside, a run to the store, connecting with someone who gets you, or sitting out of an activity that drains you. Whatever you do or don’t do, bring compassion along for the ride.
At the start of this holiday week, you might be trying to cross things off your to-do list. I am too. There’s much to be done, but let’s not lose ourselves in the mix.
I invite you to take a few moments with me as you settle in and we explore how:
Compassion Cultivates Connection
The individual is capable of both great compassion and great indifference. He has it within his means to nourish the former and outgrow the latter.
– Norman Cousins
Presence brings transformation. Compassion fosters connection. Turning toward is an act of conscious care. All of these aspects require our active attention and participation.
If we want to strengthen our connection to our inner landscape, we won’t do it by accident. The strongest relationships are built on trust, respect, and love, and none of these appear out of nowhere. Our choice to show up and turn toward ourselves with compassion is an act of intention.
Compassion begins in the moments after noticing there is pain or discomfort present. Moving past awareness with genuine care, we open our arms to the things that need our attention. When we listen to really hear, observe with open eyes, and relate on a heart-level, compassion moves us into deeper connection.
Ignoring our struggles doesn’t erase them. It only prolongs our suffering. When we turn toward the pain points, we can meet them head-on. We can bring comfort, as we talked about last week, but we can also create space for acceptance. There will be things we can change, though that’s not the primary goal of compassion.
We often remain disconnected from the things that feel out of control—things done to us or ways we’ve failed in the past. What if we turned toward these things with curiosity and compassion? What if we validated those experiences and removed judgment from them? What if we acted as a witness to our own lived reality? *
When our reactions seem overblown (when the intensity of our emotions doesn’t match what set us off), there is something more beneath it. When we take that step of recognition that there is more happening under the surface, it opens a door to deeper vulnerability. Every place of vulnerability is an area of connection to which we can bring compassionate awareness and care.
Does this seem too heavy, like all you want to do is stay on the surface? No one is asking you to dive into the depths of your heart, mind, or awareness to dig up hidden pain. Not at all! But pain has a way of signaling and bubbling to the surface. It is when this happens that your response can make a difference.
You don’t have to spend your time mining the depths of your soul. It is less like a cold, dark cave, and more like a forest ecosystem. You are cultivating the areas that need your attention and strengthening the connections already there. Just pay attention, and you will find each place that needs tending to in the moment. As with every journey and relationship, it is each step, each interaction, that builds upon the other.
Can you bring the simplicity of compassion to what arises in you today? (There’s no need to complicate your approach)
Can you turn toward the tender parts of you with loving awareness?
Mindfulness is a powerful tool to help us engage with the present.
Choose a guided practice suited to what you need today. (They range from a few minutes to twenty and have various focuses.)
As always, I love to hear from you. Feel free to reach out, jump in the comments, or send this to someone you think would like it.
Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate! I am grateful for you!
*If you experienced trauma, this may be something best done with professional help. If any part of this feels scary, or like you don’t know how, there are resources to help you in the process. Therapy can be life-changing, and it is more accessible than it has ever been. Please take good care, and seek help where you need it.
Sara- This is such a beautiful conversation on therapy and healing. What I love is the gentle perspective you brought in your words. The quote on indifference and compassion is also such a great insight.