Monday Mindset
Compassion as Comfort
The start of a new week means another Monday Mindset dropped into your inbox. Happy Monday, friends.
This past weekend was a mix for me. I celebrated my friend’s daughter by taking her for pedicures on Saturday (so fun!), and then my back decided to revolt and sent all my Sunday plans to the back burner. Oh well! That’s what life does, doesn’t it?
It’s in these unexpected moments of not being able to do what I anticipated that I find myself at a loss. It used to bother me much more than it does these days, but it’s a practice of compassionate care to let go of the things I cannot control. And a practice it is.
Continuing on our theme of Compassion, this week we’re going to look at:
Compassion as Comfort
—something I could use this week! Maybe it will meet you where you’re at, as well.
Tender self-compassion allows us to comfort and reassure ourselves when we don’t succeed, and fierce self-compassion inspires us to try again.
-Kristin Neff
Comfort—we look for it in the things and people around us, but how often do we extend it to ourselves? Comfort is not just ease, it is the act of meeting others where they are at with kindness. Self-compassion offers support in the direct place of weakness within us.
For instance, when I woke up to limited movement in my body yesterday, I offered comfort through alternate icing and heating my lower back. Instead of staying focused on the bummer that limited movement meant, I offered myself the supports that would help ease pain and discomfort in my body. I also asked for help from others where I needed it.
Compassion doesn’t sit idly by while someone suffers. It offers the comfort it is able to, and it keeps company when it has nothing but emotional support to offer.
If we are to be people who grow in self-compassion, we not only lovingly accept ourselves as we are and offer grace for our humanity, we also bring comfort to the parts of us that are actively suffering.
This can be incredibly practical. For instance, comfort can be found in eating something nourishing. It can be laying down to rest. A massage or walk can be just what we need. Doing anything that improves our physical or emotional well-being in the moment is a dose of comfort.
Another way to put this is: self-soothing is an act of compassionate comfort.
Kristin Neff offers us a mantra we can use in moments of struggle:
“This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment. May I give myself the compassion I need.”
Something as simple as reminding ourselves that suffering is normal and won’t last forever can soothe our hearts and calm our minds.
Here are some other ideas of self-soothing to draw from when you need it:
take a warm bath or shower
listen to calming music
move your body (dance it out, take a walk, do yoga, practice other forms of exercise)
journal
meditate or pray
spend time with friends
pet or cuddle a furry friend
spend time in nature
Offering ourselves comfort can alleviate the pain of the suffering of the moment and give our minds and bodies a break. When we practice doing this in our most vulnerable states, we build a stronger sense of trust in our systems. We don’t have to wait for someone to save us from ourselves. We can experience the power of love as we meet ourselves with it, and we can more readily receive the help others offer as we do.
What supports your well-being today?
What kind of environment do you need/can you create to receive comfort?
Sometimes the thing we’re waiting on others to do for us are the points of connection we can bring to ourselves. Yes, we need community. But you don’t have to wait for someone else to help regulate your system when you are suffering.
Make a point to offer yourself comfort through self-compassion this week. Use the list of self-soothing activities as a jumping off point to bring mindful care and compassion to your body, mind, heart, and soul when you need it.
Wishing you so much presence, grace, and compassion this week. Life isn’t easy, but we don’t have to go it alone. Support systems are invaluable—and we shouldn’t forget to add ourselves to that list.
I’ll check in on Wednesday (for paid subscribers. You can update your subscription at any time). Otherwise, see you in your inbox next Monday!