Monday Mindset
WHAT TO DO WHEN: Dealing with Disappointment
Hello, friend!
I hope this meets you with all the grace you need for this day. We are here right now on this planet in our little corner of it, and the act of being here is enough for this moment.
Here’s your reminder to take a deep breath, relax those shoulders from your ears, and remember that your presence on earth is an actual miracle. The odds are approximated to be around 1 in 400 trillion that any individual is born. You are already beating the odds by being here. Mull that over when you’re having a bad day!
This month, we’re talking about common sticky situations. Last week, we explored what to do when navigating resistance. This week, we’re looking at what to do when
Dealing with Disappointment
This isn’t the first time we’re talking about this, so I’m pulling an old post out of the archives. This was behind a paywall the first time ‘round, so even if you’ve been here since the beginning, it still may be new for you. Either way, it’s a good reminder to approach disappointment with compassion.
Sit back, and settle in for a few mindful minutes with me.
“If we want to be able to move through the difficult disappointments, the hurt feelings, and the heartbreaks that are inevitable in a fully lived life, we can't equate defeat with being unworthy of love, belonging and joy. If we do, we'll never show up and try again.”
—Brené Brown
What do you do when you’re disappointed? Do you just brush it off and keep going? Do you struggle to feel the discomfort of being let down?
If you were to ask me about how I dealt with disappointment a few years ago, I would have shrugged my shoulders and moved on to a new subject. Was it because I was immune to it? Ha! Not at all. There were many layers of disappointment that I didn’t know how to process. I was well-versed in picking myself up and moving on because that is what I had always done.
Admitting I was disappointed meant sharing that I was hoping for some other outcome, and that felt vulnerable. Would I admit my hope and be vulnerable? I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me, and I certainly didn’t want to look like I depended on someone else and it fell through. That felt like foolishness—like I should have somehow known better than to trust them.
The thing is, disappointment isn’t an indictment of our foolishness. It is evidence of our values, our hopes, and our humanness. We cannot be disappointed if we do not expect much to begin with, but is that any way to live? Let’s leave room to meet the testing of our view of others and the world with an open heart.
The compassionate response to disappointment isn’t to dismiss it. It’s not to talk ourselves out of our feelings about it. Compassion is able to allow for our letdown and accept it for what it is. There is room to feel our discontent and also allow for other things to be true at the same time.
Here are some practical ways to move toward yourself with compassion in your disappointment:
The first step is to feel it. Acknowledge and allow what you are feeling.
Take care of yourself. Also known as self-care. This looks like doing things that nurture your physical and emotional well-being. (A manicure, bath, reading, exercising, going for a drive—literally anything that helps alleviate stress.)
Be kind and gentle toward yourself. This is the work of compassion. Imagine how you would treat a loved one in your shoes.
Avoid criticism.
Remember:
We may not be able to get rid of hard experiences or emotions, but we can learn to bring curiosity and compassion to them. When we lean into the discomfort of vulnerability, we make space to understand ourselves better, which, in turn, helps us see where we might need to bring more support to our systems. (from a previous Monday Mindset: Drop the Judgment)
Reach out to others. You don’t have to weather this alone. Sometimes sharing what you feel with trusted friends, loved ones, or a supportive community is just what you need to validate your experience and bring perspective.
Don’t let this stop you in your tracks. Disappointments are inevitable, but they don’t have to derail us completely. We can meet ourselves with compassion in our disappointment and pick up again the next day—not avoiding the pain of it, but recognizing it’s not the end of our journey (or our hope).
When you are feeling self-doubt or frustration over your failures or disappointments, compassion is the way through. It is the path that brings you toward yourself in stronger connection.
What is your go-to reaction when you feel disappointed?
How can you meet your disappointment with compassion next time?
Think about the last disappointment you felt. (If you’re struggling to pinpoint one, you might be more distanced from your hopes/desires than you might realize). Imagine yourself now and how you could have been more compassionate with that version of you.
Come up with a little game plan for disappointing circumstances (putting the tips from today into practice) so that you have something to pull from that feels like a lower lift when you need it. Whether it’s calling a friend, taking a bath, or disconnecting from your phone, think through what might serve you well.
It might feel counterintuitive to recognize disappointment if you’re used to moving on right away, but compassionate attention is important in building stronger trust in your system. It really is worth it.
Sending so much grace, as always. See you here again soon.
Sara